Oh, the to-do list. The never ending, all-encompassing to-do list.

Now do you remember that it was you who wrote it? And how much of this endless list involves you actually enjoying yourself? “Yeah right…” I can already hear you saying, “I don’t have enough time to do the things I should be doing, let alone the time to frivolously enjoy myself!” That is great, because it is you that needs to hear this the most.

The you that is constantly sacrificing for the sake of the ones you love; for the sake of doing what you think you need to be doing; for the sake of being busy all the time. It is also the you that finds it hard to unwind when life allows you to. The you who feels guilty about taking time out for yourself to do not much at all.

THE SCIENCE

From a biological perspective, being on the go all the time and incessantly ruminating over what needs to be done, kicks the body into a state of chronic stress. Back in the cave man days, humans would go through periods where there were minimal immediate stressors where the body would be in a state termed ‘rest and digest’ (Dhabhar 2018, p. 175). When a life-threatening occurrence of a predator entering their cave happened, the body went into ‘fight or flight’ mode until the perceived threat was gone. This is essentially survival mode to prepare the body to– you guessed it – fight the threat or take flight from it (Dhabhar 2018, p. 175). While in this state, the body ceases nonessential bodily processes such as digestion and immune function in order to focus on optimising strength and energy (Dhabhar 2018, p. 175).

Now, let’s fast forward to the modern era, full of traffic jams, social media and the endless buzzing of mobile phones. Although those new type of ‘threats’ are not usually as immediately life threatening as a run in with a predator, they are, however, constant and insidious.  This is the to-do list I’m talking about, it’s the running late, and it’s the deadlines. So often our bodies are in this chronic state of ‘fight or flight’ as there is often not enough time allowed to relax.

During the ‘rest and digest’ state, the body is able to repair and restore itself by relaxing the muscles, slowing breathing and heart rate, and reinstating proper digestive function (Esch et al. 2018, p. 135). Therefore, the inhibition of these such processes from being in a state of chronic stress can be a significant detriment to our health and wellbeing (Esch et al. 2018, p. 135).

RELEASE THE GUILT

Too often getting the washing done before the end of the day or packing as much as possible into the day is deemed more important than both our physical and mental health. A major aspect of getting out of this cycle of chronic stress involves challenging the toxic societal mindset that being the busiest means being the best. So often the notion of running ourselves into the ground is coveted and perceived as being a success. Unfortunately, this mindset also breeds guilt around taking the time out for yourself. This is what needs to shift. There is no easy way to abolish this guilt right away but it is rather a process towards self-love.

Whenever you find yourself feeling guilty about prioritising time for yourself, the first step is to be able to identify and acknowledge this guilt. Once you are able to identify this negative self-talk, try thanking it. Thank this part of your subconscious for being there and for wanting to protect you and help you survive. Once you do this, allow yourself release it as it no longer serves you. Initially this may feel silly or even difficult but the more you practice it, the more mindful you will be of negative self-talk and you will eventually be able to separate these thoughts from reality.

DO LESS

Do less. That’s right, LESS.

Why is it that people often feel they are never doing enough? This mentality ultimately results in burn out. Do you really need to be taking on as much as you are right now?

Try writing a list of all of your responsibilities and current projects. Now have a look at them all. There will be some that you will have no doubt are essential to your life. However, there may be some that no longer serve you that could be crossed off. By first looking at how you are currently spending your time and then re-prioritising it, it will not only reduce the stress caused by overloading your schedule, it will also free up time to focus on your non-negotiables – the things that really matter to you.

Furthermore, are there things that you really despise doing that only add stress to your life on that list that you can afford to outsource? It might be vacuuming the house or doing the administrative duties for your business. Outsourcing such chores will not only free up some of your time to do something fun, but it will also alleviate the impact that these stressors have on your life. Have a think about how much your time is worth. As time is really the only commodity that is ours, will paying someone to clean your house once a week be worth it if you can spend more time hanging out with your kids? Will hiring someone to do the books for your business allow you to get enough sleep or to read that book collecting dust on the shelf?

PUTTING IT INTO ACTION

Now that you understand the importance of slowing down and simplifying your day-to-day, here are some ideas to get you going!

-          Instead of waking up and immediately reaching for your phone, do a child’s pose and take a few deep breaths before get out of bed.

-          Leave the TV off in the morning and opt out of watching the latest curated miseries of the world over breakfast and eat outside or away from screens.

-          Make yourself herbal teas throughout the day to allow yourself a few moments to pause and enjoy it.

-          Swap out the morning and afternoon commute spent trawling through the endless abyss of social media for a book.

-          Ditch the monotony of the gym for something a bit more fun such as a salsa class with a friend or even some Kung Fu lessons!

-          Play a board game with your loved ones one night, instead of watching a movie.

-          Substitute your nightly TV series binge for a good book in bed.

Challenge yourself this week by trying some of these out and see how you feel. Have a good think about the things that you used to love doing, wished you did more of or wished you’d tried. Give yourself the gift of time by bringing some non-negotiable fun into your week! What’s the point of running ourselves into the ground if we can’t slow down and enjoy life? The happiest people aren’t the richest people. You can still work at achieving you goals and stop to smell the roses on the way. So put the to-do list aside for a while and give yourself permission because you deserve it.

REFERENCES

Dhabhar, F. S. (2018) ‘Review article: The short-term stress response – Mother nature’s mechanism for enhancing protection and performance under conditions of threat, challenge, and opportunity’, Frontiers in Neuroendocrinology, 49, pp. 175–192. doi: 10.1016/j.yfrne.2018.03.004.

Esch, T., Kream, R. M. and Stefano, G. B. (2018) ‘Chromosomal Processes in Mind-Body Medicine: Chronic Stress, Cell Aging, and Telomere Length’, Medical Science Monitor Basic Research, 24, pp. 134–140. doi: 10.12659/MSMBR.911786.